Things I hope I never forget

Kaya:

your baby laugh
your toothless and your two-toothed grin
your warm tiny hands

how my thumb fits into the palm of your hand
how you hold my thumb with your hand
how you cuddle into my side to fall asleep at night and sometimes for naps

how you reach over to me when you aren't asleep at my side to get closer
how you cry in protest when you see me leaving after you've just about drifted off to sleep
how you fall asleep while I'm holding you

how you brush the inside of my arm gently with the back and front of your hand as you nurse
the way you put your hands together when I clap and say "yay!" to you
how you try to put leaves in your mouth
how you "fake" laugh before a bit of root vegetables is spooned into your mouth

how you smile at Winnie the Pooh when I sing the "Winnie the Pooh" song
how you laugh when daddy holds you and lightly bounces with you in his arms
how you stare at me as you try to fall asleep

how sometimes when you're staring at me and you notice me smiling, you slowly crack a smile
how when you saw Misha you would kick your legs and breathe fast in excitement
how you kiss me with your mouth open wide
how when I'm holding you, your head sometimes clunks into my chest tiredly

These are the things I hope I never forget because they are things that bring me peace and happiness!
Love you, Kaya!

the life of a mom

I am thinking these days of what it means to be a mom.  A bit of reflection has brought me to the conclusion that I have a hard time being anything BUT a mom.  I no longer sing in the choir that I enjoy so much, I no longer run with my hands free (literally and I guess I could say metaphorically as well), and every "break" I take from watching my girl I think about how she's doing and wonder if she's okay.  I have, however, recently agreed to join a soccer team which is a huge step towards finding a long lost part of me.  Before having a child, soccer and music were what defined me.  Now, with little interaction in either hobby, I am left with living for somebody else and finding ways to define myself through other actions.

I don't mean for this post to sound as if I don't appreciate my life as a mom, but I believe all moms realize sooner or later they have a hard time being anything outside of a mom. I love Kaya more than words can say and at the same time I love the freedom I felt without the responsibility of watching out for my baby.  My point is, I've cast aside all other things that defined me since becoming a mom and I am scared to know that I will probably have to find more to be than a mom when Kaya is all grown up.  How will I do that?  After many years of having dedicated my heart and soul to her, how will I be able to be anything other than a mom?

Another thing, I do not discredit what it means to be a mom.  I don't mean to say "other than a mom" as an insult or to sound as if I mean "just a mom".  Being a mom means the world to me and I have never felt more like a woman than I do now, protecting my young and showing her how to live freely and peacefully.  I'm undoubtedly honored.  Even so, there is still a lingering anguish, knowing I have been other things in the past and that I loved being those things.  And I lament over having lost those parts of me, at least for the time being.  I want so badly to balance my past self with my current self and feel it is impossible.

One of the most intriguing parts of being a mom I have discovered is that sometimes I feel more alone than I have ever felt before.  Odd, because we have new life around!  But, friends I think or thought I had lose touch, people who I used to understand, I don't understand anymore and similarly, people I didn't understand before, I understand better now.  But in all the day-to-day of raising Kaya, I somehow never see anybody, let alone talk to anybody.  There are days I feel like I might as well have not even said a word.  The world we live in can be so strange.  We spend all of our time getting through the day so we can hurry up and get to the next.  I am upset that I don't get to be a family with Matt.  He works more than 40 hours a week and misses a lot of the things that Kaya and I do together.  I'm afraid he may miss hearing her first word, or seeing her really crawl for the first time, or walk even. I don't understand how we (as a people) have allowed ourselves to let life pass us by.  Why do we live in a system where we are stuck doing the same thing every day? Aren't we meant to be travelers? If we were travelers, we would find a way to eat and make shelter because our lives depended on it yet we do the same thing now as stationary workers.  Our lives depend on how much work we put out, but we're bored and we never spend time with the people we care about.  Since becoming a mom, I don't want to settle for less.  I want to be a family who travels and works together to make ends meet.  Anyway, I have much more on my mind and plenty more to say, but I don't know how to say it anymore and it feels all jumbly.  If you've made it this far in my post, thanks for reading and I hope I haven't disturbed your peace.  Every once in a while, I need to write my frustrations down so I can figure out what to do next.  So, that is all.

Until next time, everybody!

Seed choice

The garden is doing pretty well this year. I have about 200 lbs. of veggies. I spent about $40 for supplies this year. That puts the cost per pound at $0.20. Not too bad. I still have a  lot to pick. I have a volunteer pumpkin that is slowly taking over the yard! With the addition of Kaya, I've been too busy to be putzing outside much.

Also some good news: the chickens are laying eggs. Well, one chicken lays eggs, one has yet to produce. But 9 chickens, 4 years, and 2 states later we had an egg! Per cost on that first egg would be astronomical, maybe around $150. But each eggs brings that number down. We are up to 12 eggs. We also found out we had a rooster and two hens.

We released the rooster in a rooster-friendly part of town. It was pretty entertaining to watch all the roosters intimidate the new guy.

What do I want to eat next year? I plan on using all seeds for cost reasons. I also want to use natural, organic, and non-genetically modified seed. Based on this year's crop and what time of year we will move into the new house, I want to grow the following:

• Tomatoes - no cherry tomatoes, I've saved some seed from two big mutants this year. One was doing something like a Fibonacci helix.
• bell peppers - not much came from these this year so I'll try to have more next year.
• hot peppers - jalapeno, serrano, poblano
• summer squash - zuch, crookneck maybe - I lost track of these this year and too many got BIG
• cucumber - pickling kind - I made 1 jar of good pickles this year
• beans - string,  black, or pinto beans 
• melon - water, and maybe a John Bidwell Casaba that my great great grandfather developed!
• basil - hard to have too much basil
• rosemary
• oregano
• mint
• corn - I saved the only three ears I got and plan on replanting those
• rice - my family has a rice farm outside of town. I'd like to try doing the Fukuoka method where you don't have standing water.
• strawberries

And depending on space:

• apple
• blueberry
• peach
• apricot
• plum
• onion
• potato

Baker Creek Heirloom Seed has a seed variety pack with many of these seeds in there.

That should cover summer pretty well.

Things I've learned from gardening this year:

• Move the garden and chickens as close to the kitchen as possible
• Soaker hoses are not perfect.
• Chickens need a better watering system that the trough-resevoir bucket
• Chickens need a more reliable feeder than me
• Check to see where the sewer access is before planting
• Use more mulch
• Roosters are ornery 
• Chicken poop is great
• Chickens are great fun to watch and be around but they are (comically) stupid and messy

Kaya Juniper Slakey

Alright, so here's the news!  Kaya was born May 25, 2012 at 1:12am.  She surprised the heck out of us when she was born because we were both so sure she was going to be a boy!  So much for gut feeling, eh?  She was 8.5 pounds, 20 inches long.  Eight weeks have already gone by, yet I feel like it's been so much longer.

It can be so emotional being a parent.  I cry all the time just from knowing she's my kid.  I can't believe she's my daughter!  She's amazing and beautiful!  I cry when she's hurting or when I feel I can't help her, or when I'm happy just to see her and study her.  I cry when she calms in my arms, or when I'm overwhelmed by the loads of work to do around the house in addition to tending to her needs.

In all these moments, no matter how hard or easy, I have no regrets.  Sometimes I wish I could go back to where it was just Matt and me, because I miss what it feels like to do whatever we want, whenever we want, but then I think about Kaya and how much she means to me and I don't really want to go back.  I enjoy having her in our lives so much and I think, soon, Matt and I will be able to be just the two of us again, here and there.  Date night!  Yet, I also look forward to nights where the three of us go out together and play; kick the soccer ball around at a park, fly a kite, walk to the dog park, bike around to feel the delta breeze.  It's all so exciting!!!

Anyway, I'm cutting this blog short.  I am prepping to go to New York tomorrow with Matt and Kaya for Virginia and David's wedding! We will share the same anniversary date as them, which I think is awesome and unique.  We will never forget to say happy anniversary to them, since it will be the same date as ours.  ;)  Ta for now, Followers!

PS -  apologize for the sappiness.  I have always felt free to express myself sappily since I don't mind the potential embarrassment...  

Mr. Stork?

I don't think we've blogged about this in the past so allow me to share the news.  We're having a kid!!! We've known for more than enough time.  I'm (Kareena) almost 39 weeks along (not Matt - that'd be weird) so the kid will arrive very soon.  Well, in case you're wondering, this is a planned joy that has already changed our lives forever.

We're currently awaiting Mr. Stork with great anticipation. I look forward to meeting our child at the perfect moment whenever that moment be.  I am writing to share the emotions that I feel should be expressed during a parent's "waiting period."  For me, the waiting period began as soon as we knew we were going to have a kid.  This is the time that is exciting and unknown and filled with memories that last a lifetime.

I remember the adrenaline rush I had telling Matt we were expecting and his reaction to the news.  It's somewhat comical that even though couples plan to have children, the minute they find out it's real, it still seems unbelievable and surprising.  It took a long time to adjust to the knowledge of our inevitable change even though we certainly knew well in advance that this would be life-changing.

I vividly remember the first time Matt was able to feel the baby move.  I had been able to feel the baby for weeks but had not been able to get Matt to feel the "bumps" at the right moment.  When he was finally able to feel the baby move, I laughed excitedly and nervously.  I was so happy that he got to feel the "proof" of what I had been feeling.  Now, the baby moves all the time and Matt is sure to experience our kid's movements at any given day.  Another memorable moment was when Matt had his hand resting on the baby and it rolled a knee or foot so strongly against his hand that he exclaimed "Jesus! Was that the baby?"  I laughed loudly as I responded "Well, that certainly wasn't me."

The general feeling over these last nine months has been that of pure elation.  We hear a lot of warnings and advice from friends about the trials of parenthood, which is expected, but we like to keep in mind that our upcoming challenges will be viewed as a long string of adventures, guaranteed to push us to the limit as well as create the greatest sense of accomplishment.  We trust that we will be loving, patient, and empathetic parents, learning many lessons along the way.  So bring it on, Mr. Stork!  We're willing and ready!

farm plans

I have com up with a plan for the garden for next year. My goal is to have a no-till, no chemicals, low water use, and economical garden.

No-till can be difficult with lot of Bermuda Grass and other inedible weedy plants. I am going to lay down carpet and burlap for 6-8 weeks as a weed killer. I chose carpet and burlap after talking with a farmer, Les, of Offerings From the Land Farm. He has found it to be a barrier that kills the weeds and weed seeds but not the beneficial organisms in the soil unlike plastic sheeting which kills everything. After those 6-8 weeks I plan on checking the progress. If the weeds seem to be gone, I'll spread the accumulated kitchen compost and lay down a bunch of mulch ( I figure I'll need about 20 yards) and cover it up again for another few weeks. I plan to get the mulch from SMUD's free mulch program as well as neighbors' yard waste piles. I'll start the cover-up after I harvest the winter squash, if there are any!

No chemicals is kind of a grey area. No miracle-grow or "enhanced" potting soil is pretty easy. But there are undoubtedly chemicals in the carpet I plan to use from cleaning or just the material itself. Burlap, a carpet alternative, seems a better option and I've been saving the burlap scraps from work. (ACE sells burlap bags that get wrapped in....burlap!) But the wrappers and scraps are few. Carpet seems way easier to get and comes in big sizes. Another possible chemical source is the yard waste of neighbors and SMUD's mulch (which comes from the whole city). Since the mulch is free and I don't have the money to spend on 20 yards of untreated mulch, SMUD's mulch will have to do.

Low water use will mostly be solved by ollas. I plan to experiment and have them spaced every 3-6 feet about 100 total. Acquiring the ollas seems to be the biggest issue. I can either make or buy them. The cheapest I've found is $20, not good. The team at Global Buckets has come up with an automatic watering olla which involves terra cotta pots and silicon caulking. The caulking doesn't seem great (not chemical free), but I need to research the caulking or find a safer alternative. Making the ollas would be more time consuming but I might be able to recruit some help from my mom, an artist of all types. The other olla-like option I've contemplated is a clay pipe. This would be nice because it would reduce cost and increase plants. There would be less plumbing to maintain the water level and to pipe water out to the plants. The only problem is finding the right type of pipe (unglazed and porous). To get the ollas/pipe in the ground they say to dig to bury it. In order not to dig, I will probably just lay out the watering system between the first and second cover-ups, burring it in mulch, and let the organic matter break down around it.

As far as economics go, I plan to minimize the spending by starting with seeds and getting as much stuff for free as possible, like the mulch and the carpet, and keeping the water bill low. The main expenses will be the clay pots or pipe, the plumbing for the watering system, the seeds, and improving the fence to make human entry easier and dog entry harder.

What to plant is the next challenge.

The Latest

Howdy folks! I haven't posted a blog in a few days so I thought I would keep you updated on the stance of the living situation.

We still don't have electricity or running water. We could use the propane to have a working fridge, but we have an ice chest that has been serving purposefully just fine. The reason we still don't have electricity is because we're waiting for ONE stinkin' piece to set up the solar panels. Once we get the pole mount we can set it all up and watch our online shows, blog without paying for coffees/teas every time, and be more consistent with checking our email. We currently check email at coffee shops or in the car either using the car battery or while the engine is running (on the move, of course). We never drained the battery fully, thank goodness. That would be horrible - another stranded situation just like when the truck got stuck in the mud, really.

Running water continuously proves to be a challenge off-the-grid. We've gone through so many different ideas as to what our options are and I'm still unclear as to which option sounds best. We haven't acted on any of these plans. At this point, we might not even need to set up running water. We've made it almost a solid month without a hook-up and it doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore to try and get it. (The real life saver here is the fact that we have gym memberships and can shower regularly there). Dishes aren't too challenging without running water, especially when one limits themselves to only one bowl, plate, fork, knife and spoon to use. Dishes don't pile up here at The Lair. (Yay)! As for laundry - we can plug the tub, put the clothes in, add some water from our five gallon jugs we have, pour in a little borax and step all over the clothes to slosh it around and work it. =) Basically the same method for rinsing, minus the borax. Drying the clothes happens by hanging the clothes out on the line between the rent-a-fence panels. No electricity needed! We have yet to try this method.... I trust it should work mostly fine, though! I aim to try the method very soon as our laundry basket is near full.

The situation with the toilet is a little bit disheartening. We have to drain the tank which is approximately 25 gallons into a portable sewer tank and then haul it over to a KOA campground to rid of it. It's just not something we consider fun. This is my least favorite part about not having running water AND being off-grid.

The dogs love the property. They don't care about the ticks crawling on them, but we do. The last thing I did this morning before I left to walk to the truck was pull a female tick off of Axel's cheek. I screamed with disgust as I pulled it off and threw it on the ground. It's abdomen was so huge. We had tried to pull it off with tweezers last night but Axel wasn't having it. The tweezers kept slipping off the tick and we would only end up pulling Axel's skin really hard on accident. Poor guy. Thus, I used my bare hands this morning. Yuck!!!!